Barry's Jokes / Witze

Here are some of Barry's jokes:



Mr. Smith and Mr. Jones

Two guys... Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith are neighbors next door, right!?

Mr. Jones wakes up one cold wintry morning and he looks out on the snow-filled lawn and he gets very upset and he runs next door to Mr. Smith.

He knocks on the door and he says, "Mr. Smith, I'm very upset at your son."

"Why?" he says.

"Last night your son peed his name in the snow outside my house."

And Mr. Smith says, "I'm sorry... but boys will be boys."

And Mr. Jones says, "Yeeaah, but it was in my daughter's handwriting."

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There’s a father who’s got three daughters. He wants to meet the guys
his girls are dating and so they’re coming to his house to introduce themselves.

Comes the first one:

Hi, my name is Eddy.
I want to see your daughter Betty.
I hope she is ready
we’ll go and have some spaghetti.

Comes the next one:

Hi, my name is Joe
I wanna see your daughter Floe.
We wanna go
and see a show.

Comes the third one:

Ding-dong ...
Hi, my name is Chuck ...

(He cracked up with laughter)

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If you are unhappy

There was once a nonconforming sparrow that decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon after, the weather turned so cold, in a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to the earth in a barnyard almost frozen.

A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The bird thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defroze him. Thus, warm and happy and able to breathe, he started to sing.

Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping, decided to investigate the sound. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

So this story contains three morals:

#1  Everyone who shits on you is NOT necessarily your enemy.

#2  Anyone who gets you out of the shit is NOT necessarily your friend.

#3  If you are warm and happy in a pile of shit - keep your mouth shut!

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As Barry is famed for his dirty jokes by now, many people searched in vain for
the punch line of the "deer hunter joke" first. To everyone's surprise it was absolutely harmless! Not a bit filthy!


Deer Hunter Joke

These two guys are going hunting ok? They are going deer hunting. They get to the forest and see this big sign and it says, "ABSOLUTELY NO DEER HUNTING!"

So the guy says to the other guy, "Don't worry about it." So they go into the woods and they shoot a deer. And on their way out of the woods there is this forest ranger. This forest ranger says, "Can't you read the sign? Can't you read the sign?! It says, "ABSOLUTELY NO DEER HUNTING"

Well, the guy has the deer swung over his shoulder, and the guy says, "Oh, we
didn't hunt any deer!" And he says, "So what's that over your shoulder?"
He says, "That's my gun!" And he says, "That over your other shoulder?"
And he says, "Aaaaeeeehhhh !!!"

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Camel joke or The Priest and the Nun

The priest and the nun are in the desert and they're riding on a camel.

And they ride and they ride and they ride in the heat of the desert and suddenly the camel just drops dead. And so they stand there and they stare at each
other for a while.

And the priest says after about an hour, "Sister, I think this is it. I think we're gonna die. And I've one last request. Would you take off all your clothes so I
can see a woman naked. I've never seen a woman naked before."

And the nun says, "OK Father, if we're really to die out here in the desert, ok,
I'll do it. But I have one last request, too. Would you take off your clothes because I've never seen a man naked."

So he says ok and they take off their clothes and they stare at each other for
a while. And suddenly the nun says, "What's thaaaat?"

And he says,"If I put this in you it brings life." And the nun says, "Well, forget about meee!! Put it in the camel !!!"

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Sheep joke

There's two guys... two guys! They haven't seen each other for a long time.
So one guy decides to visit the other guy.

The other guy has a ranch. So one guy goes to the other guy's ranch and he knocks on the door and this little kid answers the door and says hello.
And he says, "Is your father at home?"

And the little kid says, "He's outside having sex with the sheep."

And the guy says, "Whaaaat??"

And the little kid says, "He's outside having sex with the sheep!!!"

And the guy says, "Don't you mind this??"

And the little kid says, "Naaeeeh..."

(Barry shook his head wildly!)